also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
