Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
