You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
