The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
