For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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