As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
