Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
