Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize