I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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