I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
