Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
