I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
