you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i dont even know how to be here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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