We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize