I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
