Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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