My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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