hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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