Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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