This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
