idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
