it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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