I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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