i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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