Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
