i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
