Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
