Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
