i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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