I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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