I hate your face
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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