video games are the ultimate cock blocker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
