Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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