I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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