he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
