I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
