I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
