oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
