That's when you crack a 10am beer
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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