i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
