those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
