Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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