Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
