I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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