he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
