he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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