I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
