You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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