I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
