Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
