I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
