Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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