Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
