they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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