Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
