is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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