My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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