End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
