Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dicks are not precious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
