And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
