I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
