i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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