plz talk dirty to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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