hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
