I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this just has baby written all over it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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