Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
