Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
