Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I faked an abortion last night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
