My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
