I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
