Apparently you make a good broom.
Girls should come with a carfax report
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Randomize
