my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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