My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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