u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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