I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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