SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize