Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
