I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
