Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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